The Kosisochi

Surrendering is really an easy thing to say but definitely hard to live up to, even though it’s one of the most relieving decisions one can make. We go through life, constantly working tirelessly for a breakthrough or what we presume to be a better life, but when your efforts always seem futile and motivations are really low. You start doubting yourself and competence, insecurities start piling up. Most times you’re tired of studying the word or even praying, and it gets worse when the situation persist. You’ve heard the same words of encouragement severally that you know exactly what each person is about to say without blinking an eyelid.  That’s when opinions and conspiracy theories start rolling in; it gets really hard most times to block the noise or stay sane. You get to even question your spiritual life and your standings with God; crazy stuff yeah . Some days you’re excited, in a high spirit with the firm confidence that God sees you, while other days it’s a battle to stay s...

I strongly believe that God gives us struggles in life to increase our love for each other. What I’m  trying to say is most times its hard to have a bit of understanding what others might be going through if we do not have an idea how devastating it feels to walk on their shoes, it might not necessarily be similar events but it gives us a glimpse of idea. This basically makes one more compassionate than he would normally have been. We become a lot patient and kind to others, a little less judgy and open minded, realizing that sometimes life isn’t always black and white. People go through so much that most times they coat it with outward smiles while others don’t, we all have different ways of reacting to things.  It also opens our eyes and heart to a lot of things that we would normally neglect, like family and  friends (the right support system). Right now I honestly cannot imagine how horrifying life would have been if I didn’t have my parents or siblings that always pr...

So I had one of the multiple disappointments I’ve been having for years now. At first I felt numb, then alone, had to call a close friend to cry so I could release the pressure stuck in my chest, I felt like suffocating 😂#Lol I obviously had a good cry, one of those relieving tears, good thing he allowed me to have my full. I  discovered how therapeutic tears are. Well, as always I thank God for the disappointments, they  aren’t funny one bit, but all I can think of now is how blessed I am. I know this sounds cliché because I’m actually typing this with so much tears rolling down my chubby cheeks. But what can I do!. Who can I blame, definitely not me because I put in so much effort into this. I literally gave it my best shot. And I can’t blame God, He’s God obviously, even though He said He would never leave me nor forsake me but the truth is I feel so disappointed but not abandoned.  This is crazy, like I feel Him comforting me with that subtle peace in my heart but I’...

How sustainable is your walk with God?... Most times I dish out motivational speeches or advices to people, but I don't really live up to them. Although this doesn't invalidate it but I just have to do better. I spoke about knowing God for yourself in my previous post, to be honest; I felt I did, not until I evaluated myself and realized as much as I felt i knew God for myself but it's more of a theoretical knowledge than practical. I leaned on others adulterated knowledge of Him.  I decided to take the bold step (when I say bold step, I meant bold bold steps that takes the grace of God) well I started unlearning a lot of things, I wanted to start all over with this relationship. I felt lost, confused, like I was yearning for decisions on what to do next ( I still feel this way). I was scared that I might become complacent ( you know being too relax). Well I came to the conclusion that I don't know how am to do this but this is me and my maker, at the end it'll be j...

Let’s talk about faith.  I used to believe faith is a feeling (it can be sometimes though), but whenever I don’t feel it, when it’s harder to pray because it feels like God has forgotten me and I don’t feel His presence anymore; I feel pretty much demoralized. Did you notice something in that statement? The word “feel-ing” was reoccurring. The devil creeps into our feelings and manipulates them. As much as all feelings are valid, but we shouldn't lose sight of the fact that they can still be flawed. I’ve read Hebrews 11 several times and it didn’t hit until recently. In verse 11, it says Sarah “considered” Him faithful who had made the promise. She did not care about how she felt regarding the Lord telling her she’ll be a mother after menopause but she held on to that attribute of God; a FAITHFUL God. If you move to verse 19; it says Abraham “reasoned” that God could even raise the dead, the bible never said he felt, because if he was relying on his feelings. Hmmm, if he was relyin...

Guilt has a way of pushing us away from God. It’s like the more we sin, the more we become too judgemental of ourselves and we ultimately decide for God on whether we deserve to be forgiven. Most times we punish ourselves with the presumption that it’s what God would have wanted in order to feel better.  Other times, we harden our heart (defence mechanism), so we won’t feel, probably because we’re tired of repeating the same cycle,  it seems there’s no point trying to get better since we’ll eventually fall into the same temptation. So, hardening our heart seems like a better alternative, thereby trivializing it. To be fair, all sins are equal but that doesn’t mean we should condemn ourselves or others. God didn’t ask you to help Him with that. Do you know why it seems like we recycle the same sin? Jesus said in (John 8:34), ‘everyone who sins is a slave to sin’ It’s more like once you start a particular sin, you’re hooked, you’re chained, you try to unlock the chai...

Some might call it a quarter-life crisis but the truth is this year has not been as rosy as I envisaged, I’ve had so many disappointments. I haven’t actually posted anything this year, not that I haven’t been typing but because I felt I’d be lying to myself pretending all is well and I have my shit together but the truth is I’m exploding inside. Most times I just say “fuck it, I’m done” but I see myself pushing, but It still feels like I’m not doing enough, that there should be something else (big) I should be doing. Well, today is the last day of the first half of the year (30th June), I woke up trying not to feel pity for myself (because it seems like a routine these days), decided to evaluate the last few months of my life (listed the things I am grateful for and things that didn’t seem to make so much sense to me), well I can gladly say things aren’t as bad as my head make it seem.   You know I always say to myself, “you’re kind, always willing to help out and you work so hard ...