Acceptance

Over the past week, I've experienced a significant strain on both my mental and physical well-being. It's tempting to fall into the habit of blaming myself, as I've done in the past, for things that were beyond my control or for not having knowledge I couldn't possibly possess. I've told myself that I'm responsible for overextending myself to others, failing to establish healthy boundaries, and not recognizing when to strike a balance, instead of relentlessly working as if my life depended on it. I've also blamed myself for not understanding how a functional structure should be, how to approach various situations, and the right timing for these actions.

This constant self-criticism led me to a place of self-doubt and a lack of trust in my own decision-making abilities. It felt as though I was seeking validation from close friends and family because I couldn't trust myself to make the right choices. However, today, I found solace in prayer and acknowledged that I couldn't navigate these challenges on my own. I realized that living on autopilot out of fear of making the wrong decisions was not a viable option.

The beauty of turning to God is that He listens, just as the Bible says, "When you draw close to Him, He draws closer to you, James 4:8". In a moment of clarity, I received a message from God. He reminded me that I cannot be expected to know what I have not been taught or experienced (I don't know what I don't know). My first job lacked structure, and given my tendency to commit fully, I dedicated myself wholeheartedly without a defined structure, job description, or a sense of timing. Subsequent employment followed a similar pattern, leaving me with an ingrained habit of working tirelessly in an unstructured environment with no defined culture. It was all I had ever known, and I shouldn't blame myself for it. I need to show kindness and grace to myself.

Furthermore, I realized the importance of not expecting others to think or act like me. People have their own perspectives and ways of approaching life, and it is unfair to hold them to my expectations. I must accept people for who they are and not take their decisions personally. The only person I can hold accountable is myself, and the only validation I require is from God. I should accept people for who they are and learn to coexist with them in a way that's appropriate.

I've come to understand that there is a lot I still need to learn and unlearn in my life. I'm taking it one hour at a time, relying on God's grace, and showing kindness to myself. I'm deeply appreciative of the support system God has blessed me with, people who show immense patience when I get lost in my emotions. I'm working on becoming less reactive to life's challenges and learning to let life unfold as it will, trusting that it will all work out in the end.

In summary, it's important to be kind and gracious to oneself, refrain from dwelling on past mistakes, and avoid self-criticism for not knowing better. When life seems overwhelming and confusing, it helps to step back, let go, and allow life to unfold naturally. Don't forget to turn to God for solace, as the truth is, no one has everything figured out.