Growth

"God, I am afraid, but I know I shouldn’t live by sight but by faith. I don’t know how I am meant to sustain this faith for so long because I am genuinely running out of it. Just like the widow with a son told Elijah - she had just her last meal before she would probably starve with her son - but she was willing to share (1 Kings 17:7-16). In the same way, this little ounce of hope left in me, I lay it before the throne of grace because at this point, it is only by your grace that I am still sane.

I watched a sermon that talked about acknowledging the fear but declining to have a "facetime" with it. Basically, not lying to yourself that the fear isn't there but refusing to entertain it. The Bible says - casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:3-5). So basically the Bible acknowledges that these thoughts (strongholds) will come, but we should recognize them and hold them captive.

I’m often torn between the thoughts that are of God and of the enemy - in text it might seem easy to identify (well, it should), but in reality, when your "sense of reasoning" comes into play, you make rationales why if you were a certain way or if you had done things differently or whatever it is that makes you condemn yourself - make sense. I struggle with this a lot. While this is still a process for me, I have realized that God never condemns (I know you’re like duurh!), but the Bible also says that God rebukes his children - so we can’t really blame my-self-blaming syndrome. But what I often fail to acknowledge is that God’s rebuke should produce something positive in you, something to make you better, feel better, and elevate. If it does the opposite; gloomy, guilt, self-sabotage, etc. - then it’s definitely from the enemy (and you should rebuke that stronghold).

We’re not created to be perfect or figure it all out at once, but we ought to keep improving - mentally, physically, or whatever improving means to you. I’m learning to give myself permission to live - not minding what anybody thinks of me - as long as I am doing what I believe is my best to be a decent human. I’m learning to set healthy boundaries and being firm about them. I am also learning to not take life at face value, things change, life happens, and sometimes your blooming season might just be around the corner.

The sermon I listened to today talked about how sometimes when we hit what seems to be rock bottom, it only means maybe you needed to go deeper to receive the right manure to germinate. Ultimately, everything is about perception, keep taking it a day at a time, and give yourself permission to heal, forgive yourself, smile, and live to the fullest because that is God's plan for your life. You do not need anybody’s approval - Grace yourself. Only Jesus's approval was needed in the story of the adulterous woman in the Bible (John 8: 1-11).

I’ll leave this here for you “Isaiah 43:18-19”. I pray the Holy Spirit interprets it to match your needs."