Sincerity

 

Some days it's a lot harder to believe that God genuinely loves you. I know it's hard to admit but when your insecurities creep in, it messes with your head, making the daily miracles in your life seem mundane. You then convince yourself that if God had answered your big prayers, these seemingly little ones would have been non-existent.

I slept feeling great about myself but I woke up feeling so inadequate. I tried reading scriptures on God’s love for me but I kept seeing God’s love for “us”, “the world”, it was not personalized, I needed something to hold on to. Although I am aware that “us” referred to in the Bible technically means me but I was not having it. My mind was clouded with these thoughts “I just do not care about the world right now; I am not interested in Your love for the world but your love for me! I need You to love me and not the world. Can’t you see I need you?! Focus on me! - I am falling apart”.

I have always felt scared admitting in my prayers that sometimes, I do not feel He loves me enough because the statement might be considered blasphemous, however, I felt liberated and free being that honest to God about my feelings (of course God knows my feelings already) I felt tender and vulnerable just being honest about my feelings. I felt like He wrapped His hands around me at that moment and filled the void, picking my broken pieces together.

Most times when I feel this way, I shy away from it, and I end up not even being in the mood to pray, but being honest made me want to dig further into God’s words because I did not feel condemned rather, I felt peace (John 16:33). In the process of scouting for scripture, I could personalize this morning, I came across Isaiah 54:10 which made me chuckle. The entire chapter felt so good.

Our insecurities have a way of illuminating our fears/doubts but blinding us to the goodness of God. We need to be honest to God about our feelings, then He can meet us at that place of weakness or hurt. (Psalm 34:18) the Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. God is not a man that will take our prayers or words out of context or misinterpret them. This is usually my fear but we need to stop attributing our weaknesses to God’s nature.  He even understands us more than we can ever understand ourselves.

We have to realize that God is faithful even when we do not feel so. His faithfulness to us is not based on our emotions but His unutterable love and wisdom.

God will perfect all that concerns you; everything you've been through, every experience you’ve picked up along the way is all for His glory and He has a purpose for every one of it. They will all be instrumental to the actualization of your calling/destiny. Nothing is ever a waste with God neither your fears, tears, experiences or pain, etc., are ever in vain (Roman 8:28, 1 Corin 15:58)

God will provide; calm down. We worry about so much; time is passing by, if I do not get it now, I might lose the opportunity, etc. God will provide the opportunities and resources at the right time; His grace is sufficient for you, for His power is made perfect in weakness. (2 Corin 12:9)

God is not bound by time or place, He is limitless!  (Isaiah 57: 15)

Let's stop allowing our circumstances define who God is but Let's allow God to define Himself.